I hope you're "stupid" person would read my writing, kekeke ! (Aku saja nak mengarang kau baca kau gila !! HAHAHA) Dalam aku serabut nak siapkan FYP esaimen study. Suddenly, bab cinta ni selalu menganggu fikiran aku. Aku rimas dan lemas. Argh. So someone yang hadapi masalah sama macam aku need to read aku punya karangan yang agak annoying gak laa.
WARNING ! Kau baca kau GILA :p
Sekarang jam menunjukkan pukul 10.46pm hari khamis malam jumaat yang indah nan damai. Jari jemari aku tangkas nak menaip sesuatu dongeng yang aku rasa aku kena DIGEST sedalamnya sampai ke lubuk hati. SEBABNYA ini antara yang perlu aku lakukan sekarang untuk aku terus berjaya dengan usaha aku sendiri tanpa mengharapkan sesiapa melainkan meminta tolong hanya Al-Khaliq. InshaaAllah steps ni if aku buat tak lama lagi aku akan berjaya. Berjaya dengan usaha sendiri. Bagi aku sekarang life isn't just thinking about future zauj. Just semat dalam hati you've have been a big girl for too long though. Yeay! Aku percaya bila kau confident, berani maka ia akan assist kau untuk complete yourself tapi jangan lupa perbanyakkan mengingati Allah. Maka, one day someone summed up your life. By now, why uolls nak fikir pasal kekasih, buayafriend, bakal zauj and whatsover. So stop waiting and wishing. And start building your life to begin again. Kekadang kita susah nak move on bila gagal dalam sesuatu tapi percaya bila kau bangkit akan ada sinar kejayaan untuk kau, Semoga uoll berjaya. InshaaAllah. Ameen.
Apa yang aku nak tulis nii ada kena mengena dengan aku jugak. Perkara ni hit kat aku very hard. Sakit! So untuk being with someone who not deserve for you. ;It's not a guarantee of happiness. Something being in a relationship makes kau as a different person, honest and loyal person are RARE to find. And if kau dapat find that love dalam hidup kau itu tandanya. You're such lucky ones.
So, for women who hopelessly wait for the man in their dreams to show up at their door any second and for ones yang rasa miserable pasal diri sendiri cepat-cepatlah sedar yang sebenarnya kita hidup nii lagi berharga daripada menunggu bulan jatuh ke riba. Menunggu seomeone yang tak pasti aku rasa ia cukup menyakitkan dan memeritkan perasaan dan jiwa kau. Life is so much more than finding a special someone. Life is about more than just a boy.
Untuk pertama kalinya aku jatuh cinta pada that guys yang aku rasa dia faham aku, Bagi aku dialah pelengkap hidup aku! Begitu jahilnya aku masa tuu sebabnya aku dah musnahkan masa muda aku dengan bercinta. Aku sememangnya dah berazam untuk tidak FALLING IN LOVE dengan mana guys BEFORE tiba masanya, Tapi aku dah langgar azam aku. MAYBE masa tuu aku terlalu muda untuk membuat pilihan. Ya ampun macamana aku boleh terjebak dengan cintan cintun nii. So, the first time aku fell in love. Aku buat mistake of making him dalam hidup aku. Everything that aku buat, everything that aku thought about was up to him. Aku lalai dengan ingat dia yang bukan halal untuk aku. Sebabnya in my head, I thought that's how relationship were supposed to be like. Masa tuu aku baru kenal dunia. Aku bebas daripada kawalan mak ayah, Dan kebetulan aku dapat lanjutkan pelajaran ke Utara Tanah Air, Salam Perak Amanjaya. I was in love with him but it wasn't healthy. Thinking back to that time in my life, it was beautiful but also very scary. I didn't realize that I had lost myself in him. And I ultimately cared about him more than I cared about myself and my family too.
When it ended and I was left with just myself. I didn't know how to cope. For so many years. Its takes 4 years to forget him. Hmmmm, I depended on him. I didn't know how to live my life fullest if it's with him anymore. It took a long time for me to love myself without a guy loving me too. It took a lot of months and years to become whole without another human being by my side. Hmmmmmmm. 4 years I cried for him. And finally healed, and grew up more, I vowed to never do that again. I never wanted to lose myself in someone else again. I never wanted to grow so attached to someone that without them. I would fall apart.
Totally don't like me.
I know his status as Ustaz and maybe he deserve get someone better than me. I'm not "muslimah" girls. I'm approach him but he reject me. From that, I am my own whole person without needing anymore else to make me smile. I'm need to be happy like others. You're allowed to live a full life without someone holding your hand every steps of the way. Hmmmmm.
After that you're supposed to love yourself the hardest not the fantasy in your head about guy who will sweep you off your feet. Suppose to love yourself first.
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